Cell tastic

So I finally got to upgrade my cell phone today, having been a faithful Verizon customer for two years. It came just in time, too, because a young lady I was hanging out with recently pointed out that I was using the phone she had TEN YEARS AGO!!! Embarrassing. You gotta be more up on your cell technology than that, if you want to really impress someone.

Well, I will still not be impressing anybody with the new phone, but to me it's pretty brilliant, because it has a keyboard (no more taking eight hours to peck out a 120-character text message) and it kinda LOOKS like a smartphone, even though it isn't one, and will be bulky and uncomfortable in my pocket. Holster, anyone? If it's good enough for Aaron Dixon, it's DEFINITELY good enough for me. Nah, just kidding Aaron, you're one of the few people that can actually pull off the cell phone holster. I would look like a wannabe IT guy. And by that I mean information technology, not like the trendy flavor of the month "it girl" gracing the pages of your favorite fashion magazine.

However, there is a major problem with my new cell phone. It has a very stupid, horrible name. And it is printed in all caps in the email I received, so I repeat it here: it's the VERIZON WIRELESS RAZZLE.

Now, that's a horrible name for a phone. So bad that I'm worried that letting it out here is going to result in lowered respect from my peers. But it's a risk I'm willing to take.

What I want to do, though, is to come up with some other name for the phone. Now cell phone names are kind of arbitrary, which makes coming up with something else a simpler proposition.

I wanted to just make up a few ideas for a name and hopefully get suggestions from others. Whatever I decide on, I'm going to tell people that's the name of the phone. Because I can't bring myself to say "Verizon Wireless Razzle." (However, I just realized I probably won't ever be asked the name of my phone, since I never have before, but I've come too far into this hypothetical exercise to give up now.)

-the Verizon Amused Salamander
-the Samsung Narwahl
-the Droid Moisture Farmer
-the Motorola Motorola
-the Blackberry Useless Piece of Crap Without a Pricey Data Plan
-the Sony Playstation 4 [would enjoy breaking nerds' hearts with this one]
-the Kyocera Michael Kyo-Cera
-the Nokia Let's Go to Burning Man
-the Samsung "Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye" [ed. note: Sam(my Davis Jr.) sang that very song. He also sung it.]
-the Sanyo What Have I Done With My Life
-the Siemens ... there's nothing I can add to that to make it more amusing
-the Panasonic Bacon, Egg and Cheese


I could go on, but I think it's actually getting a little bit TOO silly, so I will call it a night (holy crap I just realized it's really late) and hope something better appears to me in a vivid, meaningful dream.

See ya soon Razzle!