Wonder blog powers...... ACTIVATE!

Well, I didn't do shit this week. I was supposed to be working on all sorts of papers, projects, presentations, some other p-word would fit nicely here but I can't think of any. But instead I played Super Mario Galaxy, worked on my MLB Power Pros season, played some internet poker, worked on the novel a bit, watched NCSU's basketball team lose badly to Michigan State (ok Gavin, we've already got 2 of our 4 projected losses, no pressure), found out I got a 98 on my Shakespeare paper/presentation, read Lee's screenplay, saw No Country for Old Men again, and last night watched Taxi Driver for the first time in a couple of years with Anne and Brian and Erik.

I'd call that a good week. Next week, though, is going to suck.

If you haven't seen Taxi Driver, you should see it. It's another one of those pretty-difficult-to-watch-but-has-important-themes movies. I really like those. I think something is wrong with me because of this, but I really prefer fucked-up movies that make me think to happy movies where everything works out.

I hate to admit this because of what a fucked up movie it is, but I went through a phase where I watched that movie like once a week. Don't worry, I wasn't identifying with the psycho stalker main character. But I guess I wanted to understand him. I mean... more than anything, that movie is about loneliness and isolation and alienation (just like basically all the good films of the 1970s are.) As an only child of a single parent and a card carrying member of the I-Got-Beaten-Up-In-Middle-School club, I spent a lot of my life lonely and alienated. So I guess I do identify with that part of it, but whatever. I guess it gives me a little bit of perspective on what it's like to be on that side, but thankfully I never lost my sanity. That's not true of everyone, though. What fascinates me about that movie is how tenuous the balance is for some people. And it's really about what's in your mind. If you believe you're doing the right thing, or that you're justified in doing something horrible, you can do it. I don't think many people say, "Hey, I feel like doing something really horrible today. Let's do this!" Even the worst serial killers had some deep-seeded wound combined with a chemical imbalance that made them feel entitled, or forced, to do awful things to other people.

I guess the thing that really gets me about it is how easily someone could be Travis Bickle without anyone else realizing it. I'm not paranoid and I don't suspect everyone I see of being psychotic, but I do know that there's a basic facade we all carry around during our daily lives, and if you don't look closely you could believe that's exactly how a person is. And again, how we interpret these fronts is all based on what's in our own heads. It's like when Travis basically tries to confess to Peter Boyle's character that he's about to kill someone, without coming out and saying it ("I got a lot of bad ideas", etc) and Boyle just sees it through his own prism and relates it to his own problems. Gives some silly anecdote about being a cabbie and tries to make the point that you are what you do. Kind of like a Hallmark card. And then he just goes, "Get drunk, get laid, do something." But if he'd taken the time to listen a little bit more closely, he could have discovered what was really going on, and prevented a psycho rampage.

When I said what got me about it was how tenuous the balance is, I guess I mean this: there are plenty of lonely, alienated people with "lots of bad ideas." They want someone, anyone, to notice them. When that doesn't happen, they start seeing society as a whole as an opponent. They lump everyone together because they're angry about seeing themselves as alone. They become opposed to everything and everyone. And then they feel completely justified in attacking innocent people, because they're part of that society the crazy person feels wronged by. We see this manifest in school shootings, oppressive/genocidal dictatorships, random serial murders or rapes.

So do your part to stop a genocidal dictatorship before it starts. Talk to people that seem weird. Let them know you're listening to them. It sounds silly as hell, but I really believe a single person can make a difference to another person. What if someone had sat down with Travis Bickle and let him rant about what he went through in Vietnam and the things he hated about New York City and his problems with women and just repeated back everything he said in different words. He'd be like, "well, maybe everyone's not a dick." And then he probably would have reservations about killing people he didn't know. I'm not saying society is to blame for producing this kind of criminal, but I *am* saying we as a society could do a lot more to prevent them. And not by adding even more cops. Sorry, Rudy Giuliani.

I didn't mean to write all of this about Taxi Driver. I guess this makes me seem kind of crazy myself. But it's one of those amazingly-shot and -acted films that stays with me for a while and spurs all kinds of thoughts. And if I can't put those on my own blog, where can I put them?

I'm about to go meet up with my godfather. One of my favorite times of the week. Tonight I am going to destroy all comers in Risk. Hopefully my Diplomacy skills will transfer. Just don't tell any of my Diplomacy buddies I've been playing Risk. ("Dice? HAH!" they will scoff.)

And then I guess I better start working on, y'know, my final papers. I keep hoping they will magically write themselves. I think I'll give them a couple more days to see if that happens.