I'm just sitting here thanking God and whoever else that my Brian Wilson year is just a few short days from being totally over.

This has been a year that began in total darkness, with me finding more and more light here and there as it's gone on. Funny thing about majoring in English because you're not sure what you really want to do with your life: majoring in English does nothing to help you discover what you really want to do with your life. That's been a journey that I have delayed embarking on for far too long, and a big part of this year had to do with making up for lost time on that score. And what did I have to do to achieve that? Well, bust my ass fixing up people's yards, for one thing. Having to really put my head down and push hard to get to the next stage. Basically, I had to go through a time of trial to get a sense of the strength and resolve that's somewhere down there.

So I guess you could say I had a total crisis of faith months ago. The shitty, nonexistent job market compounded matters, as I ground away at odd jobs until I finally landed a gig at a law firm downtown. Of course, three weeks into that I was horribly injured on the job, and got to go back to the land of unemployment, only with a disability check this time. (It doesn't make it suck all that much less.)

Add to that having to withdraw from school two semesters in a row for completely different reasons each time, and you've got a bullshit sandwich.

But now... man, I finally feel strongly that I'm on the other side of all that stuff, rather than stuck in the middle of it. I'm moving to a new apartment day after tomorrow. I'm starting my last semester of grad school in a couple weeks (granted, I'm starting it for the third time. But still.) I'm... well, I'm still limited in what I can do for a job, but I'm meeting with my lawyer about that next week to discuss what I can and should do. Things are coming together.

One thing I've learned: my inner life is all that really matters to me. As long as I can write funny stories, read books, listen to music, and spend time with my friends, I don't feel that I really need anything more than that. A boring job -- like maybe a government desk job, which is one avenue I've been looking into for my post-graduate employment -- is all I need. As long as I've got my mind and a good group of friends, I'll be satisfied.

So... good riddance to 2009, but I'm still pretty glad it happened. I'll look back on it as a defining year. And, with any luck, won't have another year like it ever again.

Peace to everyone out there, and good luck for 2010. We still have two years until the horribly cliched apocalypse arrives, or at least that's what I gather from current cinema.

OK, yeah, haven't posted in a while, blah blah blah. It wouldn't be a blog post by me if it didn't begin with an acknowledgment of the fact that I never post.

I'm finally coming off this crap about the injury. I have finally, after three full months, gotten the splint off my left hand and can use it in a limited fashion. I'm told I might not ever get full bendiness back in the thumb, but frankly I'm just glad to have it operational and with intact nerves.

I guess if you read my blog, you could see for yourself that I had kind of a hard time while that was going on. Since it's a work injury, there is little recourse for me to take -- kind of messed up, but apparently the laws in this state aren't exactly friendly to workers. I'm thinking about writing an article about my experience and trying to get some local paper to print it. People should know how little protection they have under the law as workers in this state. Unless you like a 2/3rds pay disability check which doesn't account for potential lost wages in other endeavors, in which case, by all means, go lose your hand in a work accident.

Things are looking up, though. I'm about to move to a 1 BR apartment in North Raleigh. It's a nice place. And in all other areas, I'm just feeling optimistic. There are a lot of unknown factors regarding the future, but I feel quite capable of controlling those factors to the best of my ability.

I guess this isn't exactly as sustainable life skill to be proud of, but I have had the chance to play a lot of poker over the last few months, and have gotten pretty good at tournaments. This month so far I've gotten over $600, mostly from really huge multi-table tournaments with micro buy-ins. I don't spend every hour of every day on it, but when I wasn't able to type and could only use one hand, that was one of the few forms of entertainment available to me.

There are a hell of a lot of people I lost contact with this year that I miss quite a bit. Being out of it for several months at the beginning of the year combined with the fallout from that and then the injury BS, I've spent a lot of time out of touch. Want to rectify that with as many people as possible.

So.... holla.